One Year...

Dear Friends,

One year. Tomorrow, it will have been one year since baby mac was here on earth with us. A year.

Hard to believe.

So many details are present in my mind... the drawing of the dove on the doorway of Claire's hospital room... the moment their minister arrived... the dual feelings of relief and agony that we felt when the doctor said it was time for Claire to start pushing... waiting in the hallway, knowing mac was here... holding him for the first time... seeing him be baptized, surrounded by family... the smiles that Claire & Jeff had for him, their son, despite the sadness... the white wicker bassinet that the nurse used to carry his body from the room... the stillness of a hospital room filled with grief... the sunshine that entered the room when Lydie came for a visit later that afternoon. What a day. One year ago.

There have been a number of times that I have considered taking the blog down... it certainly served the purpose for our family- to communicate with all of you in an efficient way on & around July 24, 2008.

However, it seems like every time I think seriously about taking down the blog, I hear from someone who urges me not to do it. Someone who directed a friend or family member to the blog, someone who had experienced an infant loss themselves, someone who was pregnant with a baby who was not expected to survive. I know from our own experience that it was so helpful to read about what other people had experienced in the birth & loss of their own children. It helped Claire & Jeff, to know a little more about what to expect on that day.

So, for now, the blog remains.

Our memories of baby mac remain, larger than life at times. All the cliches seem to be true... time is healing, the memories are sweeter with the passing of the months- less painful. The pictures from Elizabeth Smith, which are up in our homes, and all around Claire & Jeff's house, are truly a godsend. Many of you supported Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep in mac's honor, and as time goes by, it becomes even more important to support this organization. Memories, especially during stressful & emotional times, are fuzzy. Elizabeth's pictures are the only tangible things that we can hang on to, gorgeous reminders of a beautiful baby boy who was cherished for every moment of his time here on earth.

Claire & Jeff are amazing... their strength continues to amaze me. They would be embarrassed to hear me say it, but I am so proud of who they are, and who they continue to be, in the wake of the loss of their son. They remain positive, faithful, joyful people. They are not bitter, not angry. They appreciate their blessings, and serve as a reminder to us all that we have choices every day... we can choose to wallow, to drown in our sorrows. Or, we can choose to find light in both expected & unexpected places.

One year ago tomorrow, Claire & Jeff welcomed their second child into this world, knowing that his time here would be short. They did everything they could to prepare for the worst day of their lives, and were able to celebrate the blessings of that amazing 'birth day'. Baby Mac's short life & story touched thousands of lives, changing all of us for the better. Hug your children, appreciate your blessings, slow down, tell someone you love them.

Stillbirth & infant loss are something that I hear more about all the time. Agonizing, horrific experiences are affecting too many families. We continue to be grateful to the organizations that support families in these times of need... both Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep & the Northside Perinatal Office played a huge part in the Barnett's experience. If you would like to honor baby mac's birthday, it would be such a blessing for you to support one of these amazing organizations.

As always, thank you for your continued support. I know you are still praying, and we cannot express enough how grateful we are for that. So many of you have recognized mac's birthday already, and it touches Claire & Jeff so much. To know that their child mattered so much, that he is still on people's minds & in their hearts, that people remember him... thank you.

We love you, baby mac.

love kathie